Coming Out to Your Partner

As I have gone over things in my life, one of the hardest things has been coming out as Trans to my wife. Now, I did this very early on because I feel that when you love someone there can’t be secrets, well secrets this big anyway. So how do you go about telling a cis woman that you have always identified as a female? If she doesn’t have any feeling of attraction to other women, will she still find you attractive? Will she even want to be with you knowing that it’s a lot of work? Not just for us as Trans, but even more so for our partners. We know who we are (I knew since I was eight that I am a girl) and it took me a very long time for me to accept that part of me. Now this person who has only known me for a few weeks was going to have to accept that too. It’s a lot to ask anyone.
My own opportunity to tell her came about quite unexpectedly. I had, just a few days prior, told her that I love her. That was a big step (it is in any relationship) but I had never felt this way about anyone. As I said, I always knew that I was going to have to tell her, but I wanted to wait for the right time. Though, I had no idea when that would be. We were in my room talking and she was playing with my phone, and came across my ringtone, which at the time was the Power Puff Girl’s theme song. Casually, my wife commented “You’re such a girl.” With that innocent comment, a little bell went off in my head. I had always thought that I was very good at hiding my femininity. Of course, as I look back on my life, I now wonder how no one knew. It turns out that I only thought I was good at hiding it. My response was “I am.” and then went on to explain that I had always felt like I identified as a female and all the other things that go with being Trans. Of course at that time I had no idea what it really meant to be Trans. The one thing that I said, that I now regret as I recognize now was an inadvertent lie, was that I would never want to transition to female. Where I was in my life I never thought not only would I want to, but that I could. I didn’t know anyone who was like me, who felt like me.

As time went on and more information came to the forefront about being Trans, including treatment options for transitioning becoming easier to find, this need started to consume my life. The woman inside me was no longer OK with being pushed to the back of my mind. I knew that she was going to have to come out. “How” was the question that I…we (my now wife and I) had to answer. It has not always been easy. As a matter of fact, we have separated twice in the last three months because of this. But after all we have been though we have come to one conclusion; our love is worth the fight.

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